Tuesday, February 19, 2008
@7:43 PM
Been thinking a bit about my life. Warning, this post is going to be quite a rant.
Firstly, I absolutely hate my father. Yesterday night, he totally pissed me off. I told him I needed to get home and do my schoolwork on the computer, yet he went for "a drink" which would take "only a while". Of course, he didn't just take one drink. And he made me wait at least half an hour. So I got home at 10, and had to do a report by 11. Didn't manage to finish on time, and wasn't a good job too, so I didn't send it to Marc. Hmm. Come to think of it, was quite irresponsible last night. Next thing is about my birthday. Just so happens that the school Track and Field's 1500m event is on my birthday. My dad always cares so much about competitions (but not about me and what I think), so he was planning my trainings to get me to do a good timing for it. He got the date wrong, so I corrected him. Even though I didn't tell him it was going to be on my birthday, he didn't seem to know that that day is also my birthday.
Extremely upsetting and disappointing. =( I mean, its my birthday FFS! >=( Damn. Sometimes I wish I was never born. This is one of the times.
Am probably going to get struck by lightning for hating my father, but who cares. That's definitely better than lying to myself and saying I still can stand him, besides, I'm not scared of dying. =)
I guess you aren't scared of most things either if you aren't scared of death. Think about it. IMO, the main causes of phobias are fear of death, misunderstanding of the thing, or a previous traumatising experience. For example, fear of heights. I would think that people are scared of heights because they are scared of falling, which would cause them to die. But that's just my opinion. Not saying it's correct and un-warped.
This year is weird. I mean, by coincidence, there happens to be a school event on the important dates in my life. Or the "would-have-beens". Shall not elaborate on the dates. I mean, they are private things.
So anyway, it seems like life is out to get me this year. Luckily, most of the important dates are "would-have-beens". So I'm not torn between different commitments. Although I wish the "would-have-beens" still are important. Back to the main point, I feel like giving up. Yet I don't know what to do. Life is out to get me, and if I just give up on life like this, I would be just giving in. I want to give up, yet I don't want to give in. Man, I'm torn and confused. =(
Phew. Feeling much better now that I've let it all out. Doesn't matter if anyone reads this, I just need to write down my thoughts and I'll be fine. =)
Nothing much else to say. Oh, I suddenly felt like listening to Pachelbel's Canon. Weird. I don't normally listen to classical music.
...
Listened to a guitar version on Youtube. The guy's really talented.
LOL of the day: When you get writer's block, drilling a hole into your skull won't make your mind any clearer.
Decided. I'm not going to give in. =)
{♥} by the seaside
