Thursday, September 13, 2007
@7:13 AM
Hah. I'm blogging in the morning before I'm going to school.
Going to school later for Chinese
DMP and
CLE. Going to watch Secret for Chinese! Illegal movie watching
haha. Too bad the
ambience / atmosphere / people / timing will be wrong. Maybe we will all turn gay.
Hahahaha. I hope not.
I'm feeling much better now. Still a bit depressed though. Looks like time does heal all wounds. But I'll probably still need some more time.
I just realised I got a super big problem. Was trying to reason out to myself why I shouldn't kill myself (well I'm still here, so I survived that part anyway), and that's when I found out. So anyway, I was trying to "attack" the root of the problem, which was I felt that no one loved me. Leading to all this
emo c**p.
So anyway, I started kind of rating the relationships with my family. Friends, too many. So just in general for those. Sorry, I'm still a lazy person.
Dad : I hate him, he hates me.
Mom : She loves me (this is where my problem is), I hate her. Well the problem is that I keep complaining about no one loves me and all that c**p, but in the end, I'm just throwing it all away.
2
nd brother : I love him, he loves me. Well, don't think wrongly. Brotherly love duh!
Oldest brother : I love him, he loves me.
Friends : I love them, but I have no idea whether they love me back.
So anyway, the thing is, my family actually loves me a lot! (On the whole.) So I should have no reason to feel like killing myself right?
Well, no. And I couldn't explain why, until I remembered what I blogged previously. "treasures friends greatly." Is that the problem? Maybe because I love my friends too much, that I don't even care if my family loves me or not. I think
that's why.
Anyway, I've been on an emotional
roller coaster recently, and I think the only thing I can do is ride it out. Trying to get off halfway, will just result in me getting killed. So all I need is time I guess.
Oh by the way,
EOYs are coming up in about 2 and a half weeks now, so my dad has asked (read : forced) me to study. And for once, I shall listen, or else he might really transfer me to
Hwa Chong.
Grrr. So, I probably won't be blogging during this time. No time. Too much homework to do. Assessment papers overload! *crumbles*
{♥} by the seaside
